Carry On!
So the long and short of this week is that I do not have to have chemo treatments. My biopsy showed that I am a low risk of recurrence so radiation for four weeks will be enough. And I will be done with all of it by Christmas.
This week started by going to church and hearing a sermon that challenged us to think about what if Jesus is coming back next year. How would life be different? Not pay bills? Not worry about losing weight? Not worry about anything because the end is near? But, the reality, the urgency of making sure all your family and friends are believers and living intentionally for the kingdom. After church, we talked to a few friends. And I have to say, it is still hard to see people get tears in their eyes on my behalf, especially guys. Sunday evening we went out for dinner with these friends and I know they were praying fervently for me.
Another friend had a tough weekend. She couldn't get a grip and spent many tears because of this cancer. Her customer offer to pray, after seeing her weepy eyes. She told the couple of a friend battling cancer. She told me that he prayed boldly for me. She also texted other prayer warriors on my behalf.
Our daughter, too, experienced the relentless tears. Her coworkers and friends observed her and came around her to intercede for me. Unbeknownst to me, I have an army of my people storming the gates of heaven for me and this diagnosis.
On Monday morning, I woke up and I sensed something "different". That was the only word I could put to it, "different". I came out to tell Bernie, because I needed to say it, in case it was real. I "knew" that I wasn't going to have to have chemo. I didn't dare get my hopes up, so I was careful about saying it and just said that "I had a shift in my being, I had peace that it was going to be okay."
I wanted people to know so that if it was indeed the outcome, I wanted to be able to testify to the occurrence.
We had our first appointment for radiation at John Stoddard at Methodist Hospital in Des Moines on Monday afternoon. Bernie and I met Dr. Sheybani, the radiation oncologist. She is very kind and took time to answer questions and try to help me with the swelling. I have to say, though, their gowns are HEINOUS! They are regular old man hospital gowns that didn't even cover my front. I showed more cleavage than Marilyn Monroe. I told her that it was ridiculous and unacceptable for me. She told me of one of her patients that brought her own gown for radiation. I have arranged for my own top for radiation. If I have to go through 21 treatments, I want to look cute and be comfortable.
Tuesday, my local sisters and spouses and Bernie and I went to Karen and Ed's house (while Norma and Joy prayed where they were) to have a prayer time for the appointments that Ed and I had on Wednesday. Mine was at 12:30 in Pella and Ed's at 1 in Iowa City.
On Wednesday, we had an appointment with Dr. Wehbe to find out results of my Oncotype. He came in smiling and showed us a 15 with a circle around it! I gave him a High 5, then, he told me that he had gotten the results on Monday. (I wonder if my angels took and sneak peak and whispered to me that everything was going to be okay.) Soon after I Marco Polo'd our kids and my sisters, Karen reported that Ed had a good report, also. It feels surreal and awesome to have prayers answered "more than we asked or imagined".
So now here I sit on the other side of the Red Sea and wonder how I got here. Those of you who know me well know I did a marathon 7 years ago and my life will always have comparisons to that race that was one of the hardest things I personally accomplished. This week felt like I had mentally prepared for a marathon and they told me that it is only a half marathon. The surgery piece wasn't much fun and I am not sure how I will feel about radiation, but I know it won't last as long as chemo and radiation won't be a challenging physically. Plus, I will keep my curly hair. I did book our Vegas buying trip for the store at the end of January. I am trying to look forward, but I have a bit of PTSD and I really just want to sit and stare and be emptied brain.
I am humbled by the love, prayers, and encouragement I have received. My work is incredible and working with me for all the time off I need to have. God has blessed us beyond our comprehesion. I have no explanation or take no credit for it. Heavens know that I "don't deserve" anything. But I feel that if I receive gifts, I need to thank the Giver. Thanksgiving will have new meaning for our family this year.
I googled Oncotype to try to understand the test that I was waiting for the results of. Apparently, they determine the chance of cancer recurrence and the ability for chemo to lessen the chances. The biopsies are on a scale of 1 to 100. If the score is 24 or less, then chemo is basically ineffective and the chance of recurrence is low. Seriously, I have a 75% chance of needing chemo. This was a sock in my gut.
This week started by going to church and hearing a sermon that challenged us to think about what if Jesus is coming back next year. How would life be different? Not pay bills? Not worry about losing weight? Not worry about anything because the end is near? But, the reality, the urgency of making sure all your family and friends are believers and living intentionally for the kingdom. After church, we talked to a few friends. And I have to say, it is still hard to see people get tears in their eyes on my behalf, especially guys. Sunday evening we went out for dinner with these friends and I know they were praying fervently for me.
Another friend had a tough weekend. She couldn't get a grip and spent many tears because of this cancer. Her customer offer to pray, after seeing her weepy eyes. She told the couple of a friend battling cancer. She told me that he prayed boldly for me. She also texted other prayer warriors on my behalf.
Our daughter, too, experienced the relentless tears. Her coworkers and friends observed her and came around her to intercede for me. Unbeknownst to me, I have an army of my people storming the gates of heaven for me and this diagnosis.
On Monday morning, I woke up and I sensed something "different". That was the only word I could put to it, "different". I came out to tell Bernie, because I needed to say it, in case it was real. I "knew" that I wasn't going to have to have chemo. I didn't dare get my hopes up, so I was careful about saying it and just said that "I had a shift in my being, I had peace that it was going to be okay."
I wanted people to know so that if it was indeed the outcome, I wanted to be able to testify to the occurrence.
We had our first appointment for radiation at John Stoddard at Methodist Hospital in Des Moines on Monday afternoon. Bernie and I met Dr. Sheybani, the radiation oncologist. She is very kind and took time to answer questions and try to help me with the swelling. I have to say, though, their gowns are HEINOUS! They are regular old man hospital gowns that didn't even cover my front. I showed more cleavage than Marilyn Monroe. I told her that it was ridiculous and unacceptable for me. She told me of one of her patients that brought her own gown for radiation. I have arranged for my own top for radiation. If I have to go through 21 treatments, I want to look cute and be comfortable.
Tuesday, my local sisters and spouses and Bernie and I went to Karen and Ed's house (while Norma and Joy prayed where they were) to have a prayer time for the appointments that Ed and I had on Wednesday. Mine was at 12:30 in Pella and Ed's at 1 in Iowa City.
On Wednesday, we had an appointment with Dr. Wehbe to find out results of my Oncotype. He came in smiling and showed us a 15 with a circle around it! I gave him a High 5, then, he told me that he had gotten the results on Monday. (I wonder if my angels took and sneak peak and whispered to me that everything was going to be okay.) Soon after I Marco Polo'd our kids and my sisters, Karen reported that Ed had a good report, also. It feels surreal and awesome to have prayers answered "more than we asked or imagined".
So now here I sit on the other side of the Red Sea and wonder how I got here. Those of you who know me well know I did a marathon 7 years ago and my life will always have comparisons to that race that was one of the hardest things I personally accomplished. This week felt like I had mentally prepared for a marathon and they told me that it is only a half marathon. The surgery piece wasn't much fun and I am not sure how I will feel about radiation, but I know it won't last as long as chemo and radiation won't be a challenging physically. Plus, I will keep my curly hair. I did book our Vegas buying trip for the store at the end of January. I am trying to look forward, but I have a bit of PTSD and I really just want to sit and stare and be emptied brain.
I am humbled by the love, prayers, and encouragement I have received. My work is incredible and working with me for all the time off I need to have. God has blessed us beyond our comprehesion. I have no explanation or take no credit for it. Heavens know that I "don't deserve" anything. But I feel that if I receive gifts, I need to thank the Giver. Thanksgiving will have new meaning for our family this year.
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