Oncology, is this really my life?
I had my follow up surgeon appointment on Monday. Dr. Morgan said that I am healing normally. I am to go back to work on Friday. He is a good guy and I like him. I hope we don't have to do any more business with him this year. It is our 3rd procedure this year with him. Bernie had a double hernia surgery in February. I had an upper GI and a colonoscopy in August and now this lumpectomy in October. It is a good thing we like him as a person.
Today I had my first oncologist appointment, Dr. Wehbe. He, too, is very nice. He talks super fast. I can track with him, but not if I am trying to write notes. He said my cancer is hormone based. Apparently that is about 50% of the breast cancers. He said this kind of cancer feeds on estrogen. So I will have to take hormone pills for 10 years at least. These pills cause hot flashes and weight gain. I dislike both of these things!
He is sending the biopsy to get it's oncotype. This will determine if I am Low Risk or High Risk. We won't get the results for two weeks. If I am Low Risk, I will probably start radiation the first of November for five days a week for six weeks. If I am High Risk, Chemo will be first, then the Radiation.
I asked him if I can book flights to Las Vegas in January for the World Market to do buying for the store. He asked me to wait until we know more in two weeks. He wants me to try to put this out of our minds until we know more."Have fun!", he says.
At least I can get Christmas displayed at the store and the Holiday Open House behind me before I have to start anything. The Open House and GOJ Volunteer Christmas Party are on October 29 and my appointment is on October 30.
So, how am I doing? you ask? Well, I struggle. I want to shrug my shoulders and say "God's got this and that He is in control." But I don't surrender easily. I have had some extremely difficult seasons in my life and He did not step in miraculously and make everything better. He made me take the long painful way around. And I am fearful that this is the path I am on again. I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but this is real life and I don't want to have pain and struggle. Now, I also know that these seasons have made me into the person I am today and I am probably better for it. But no one asks for the struggle.
I am working hard at "I lift my life in surrender, Have your way with me...Take my life and let it be all for You." I like to pretend that I have a say and that I know what I need and want. I give myself all the credit for a happy carefree life. Then, it isn't so easy and carefree and I get stubborn and ugly.
So that is my perspective today. Until next time....
Today I had my first oncologist appointment, Dr. Wehbe. He, too, is very nice. He talks super fast. I can track with him, but not if I am trying to write notes. He said my cancer is hormone based. Apparently that is about 50% of the breast cancers. He said this kind of cancer feeds on estrogen. So I will have to take hormone pills for 10 years at least. These pills cause hot flashes and weight gain. I dislike both of these things!
He is sending the biopsy to get it's oncotype. This will determine if I am Low Risk or High Risk. We won't get the results for two weeks. If I am Low Risk, I will probably start radiation the first of November for five days a week for six weeks. If I am High Risk, Chemo will be first, then the Radiation.
I asked him if I can book flights to Las Vegas in January for the World Market to do buying for the store. He asked me to wait until we know more in two weeks. He wants me to try to put this out of our minds until we know more."Have fun!", he says.
At least I can get Christmas displayed at the store and the Holiday Open House behind me before I have to start anything. The Open House and GOJ Volunteer Christmas Party are on October 29 and my appointment is on October 30.
So, how am I doing? you ask? Well, I struggle. I want to shrug my shoulders and say "God's got this and that He is in control." But I don't surrender easily. I have had some extremely difficult seasons in my life and He did not step in miraculously and make everything better. He made me take the long painful way around. And I am fearful that this is the path I am on again. I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but this is real life and I don't want to have pain and struggle. Now, I also know that these seasons have made me into the person I am today and I am probably better for it. But no one asks for the struggle.
I am working hard at "I lift my life in surrender, Have your way with me...Take my life and let it be all for You." I like to pretend that I have a say and that I know what I need and want. I give myself all the credit for a happy carefree life. Then, it isn't so easy and carefree and I get stubborn and ugly.
So that is my perspective today. Until next time....
Rosa - your vulnerability, transparency, and willingness to speak truth are what make you appear to be such a strong person to the rest of us. I love that you share the truth behind the struggle of this. We know it's there and we love you all the more for acknowledging it and showing us that it's ok to show pain and struggle. I hope what you take from your sharing and your support is that you are still loved a million times over - maybe even more so, if that were possible! I continue to pray for you with love!
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