Here we go!
I got the phone call today that I need to be in Des Moines tomorrow at noon for my first radiation treatment, then everyday, five days a week for 21 treatments. I am glad to be moving forward.
I have worked hard to be ready to do this. I got my Christmas decorations up, my gifts purchased, wrapped and under the tree, the promotions ready for the store, cards ready to go out, and menu for our Christmas planned. We have a few programs and parties, but for the most part, I plan on watching Christmas movies and getting some brisk winter walks in.
There have been some conversations recently with others who have either come through the cancer journey or that have advanced stages and in the fight. I am humbled to have these opportunities and to have somehow earned the right to enter into these conversations. There is much pain in these stories, but it seems like every story comes back to the people who had walked or are walking with them in the hard stuff. This is very real for me and you, my people matter. When push comes to shove, people are the only thing that matters.
Bernie reminded me of this this weekend when I was complaining about the size of my Christmas tree. It is small and "puny" and I was hating on it. Bernie was about to cave in and go buy another tree for me because he wants me to be happy and he is sweet like that. It was about that time that I realized that it is easy to assemble, easy to decorate, and doesn't consume the entire room. And when I have more time from not assembling and decorating, I can do other fun things. And when the room has more space, our family can gather with a bit more space to move. And I realized I am ridiculous and short focused. And I apologized. My little tree is basic, simple, and cute. And, in the end, it is really about the people we love coming together to attempt to tangibly show we love them by being together and giving gifts.
So, here I stand at the cusp of something new and different. I am excited for the time I get to spend with the beautiful people who have offered to chauffeur me to treatments. I want to daily take a selfie with each person so I can chronicle the journey. This holiday season has taken on a different nuance with this experience. I know that I have some things to learn about myself and the way I see things.
A friend told me that she (or probably someone else who let her take the blame) sold an empty box that was the box the display had been taken from. The same thing happened at Gifts on Jefferson last year. Then she and I proceeded to fascinate about the people who open a fancy box with nothing inside. And how they feel about the giver. Would they admit it if they weren't with the giver when they opened it? Then she told me a story about a little girl wrapping a large box with paper. Her dad got upset with her because she was wasting paper. The sweet girl told her dad that it was a gift for him. Embarrassed, he apologized. On Christmas morning, he opened the gift and it was an empty box. Again, he was annoyed and perturbed at the wastefulness of paper, tape, and probably expectations. The little girl wasn't the least bit phased. She told him the box was full of hugs and love. Anytime he was lonely or sad, he could open the box and know he is loved. I can relate to the dad. When things don't go like I think they should, I get snarky and rude, assuming I know how things should go. But I can't see what God sees and the real gift that he is wanting to give me.
My Christmas season will be much more "full" if I don't push for my own way and let things just happen. This could be challenging....but also awesome....
I have worked hard to be ready to do this. I got my Christmas decorations up, my gifts purchased, wrapped and under the tree, the promotions ready for the store, cards ready to go out, and menu for our Christmas planned. We have a few programs and parties, but for the most part, I plan on watching Christmas movies and getting some brisk winter walks in.
There have been some conversations recently with others who have either come through the cancer journey or that have advanced stages and in the fight. I am humbled to have these opportunities and to have somehow earned the right to enter into these conversations. There is much pain in these stories, but it seems like every story comes back to the people who had walked or are walking with them in the hard stuff. This is very real for me and you, my people matter. When push comes to shove, people are the only thing that matters.
Bernie reminded me of this this weekend when I was complaining about the size of my Christmas tree. It is small and "puny" and I was hating on it. Bernie was about to cave in and go buy another tree for me because he wants me to be happy and he is sweet like that. It was about that time that I realized that it is easy to assemble, easy to decorate, and doesn't consume the entire room. And when I have more time from not assembling and decorating, I can do other fun things. And when the room has more space, our family can gather with a bit more space to move. And I realized I am ridiculous and short focused. And I apologized. My little tree is basic, simple, and cute. And, in the end, it is really about the people we love coming together to attempt to tangibly show we love them by being together and giving gifts.
So, here I stand at the cusp of something new and different. I am excited for the time I get to spend with the beautiful people who have offered to chauffeur me to treatments. I want to daily take a selfie with each person so I can chronicle the journey. This holiday season has taken on a different nuance with this experience. I know that I have some things to learn about myself and the way I see things.
A friend told me that she (or probably someone else who let her take the blame) sold an empty box that was the box the display had been taken from. The same thing happened at Gifts on Jefferson last year. Then she and I proceeded to fascinate about the people who open a fancy box with nothing inside. And how they feel about the giver. Would they admit it if they weren't with the giver when they opened it? Then she told me a story about a little girl wrapping a large box with paper. Her dad got upset with her because she was wasting paper. The sweet girl told her dad that it was a gift for him. Embarrassed, he apologized. On Christmas morning, he opened the gift and it was an empty box. Again, he was annoyed and perturbed at the wastefulness of paper, tape, and probably expectations. The little girl wasn't the least bit phased. She told him the box was full of hugs and love. Anytime he was lonely or sad, he could open the box and know he is loved. I can relate to the dad. When things don't go like I think they should, I get snarky and rude, assuming I know how things should go. But I can't see what God sees and the real gift that he is wanting to give me.
My Christmas season will be much more "full" if I don't push for my own way and let things just happen. This could be challenging....but also awesome....
Comments
Post a Comment